


When the curtain falls.

by yellow_pigeons



Series: Cut outs from Noemi's cinematic record. [2]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Acrobatics, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Arguing, Circus Arc (Kuroshitsuji), Drabble, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Sebastian Michaelis, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Post-Break Up, Romantic Comedy, Slow Romance, mentions of Ciel Phantomhive, mentions of Grell Sutcliff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24576817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellow_pigeons/pseuds/yellow_pigeons
Summary: Continuation of "The troupe gets a new member."After the curtain falls, many forgotten matters come out to the light of day...
Relationships: William T. Spears & Original Female Character(s)
Series: Cut outs from Noemi's cinematic record. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776397
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	When the curtain falls.

Eve of the main event.

Not the first they plan on throwing here, on East End, however an important one nevertheless. Everyone is rushing from tent to tent, bringing necessary materials for the show to look impeccable, and rehearsing if needed. She is as well, checking her costume before tending to other items of her rather tacky (in her opinion) circus outfit.

It consists of a striped, sleeveless dress to the middle of her thighs, the vertical stripes being interrupted on her abdomen with a semi-transparent fabric in the color of night sky. So are her stockings, all that topped with classic, elbow long gloves and a beaded choker. With her Prussian blue curls tied in a ponytail on the side of her head, she paints a few purple dots under her left eye, sighing.

The air was particularly crisp outside, making the bluenette shift uncomfortably and rub her uncovered arms. Other than that, everything was…somewhat magical to her usually bored self. To be frank, it was probably the first time in her whole life when she got to see a circus, and even participate in a performance!

For an undercover work, spying on her subordinate, this was pretty good, avoiding the fact that Spears is still somewhere out there, probably doing and saying things he shouldn’t, and no one still believing him the smallest bit. She shakes her head at it, soon turning it towards the presence appearing in the tent.

“Hurry up, Nemi! Our first show is ‘bout to start!”

Doll called after the reaper, running towards the back of the main tent, where the whole crew is getting ready for the show. She soon follows after tying her knee high boots, slowly approaching the few other acrobats she will be performing with, exchanging a few smiles and chats. With the corner of her eye the woman notices William stand somewhere in the front, standing like a zombie and just glaring everyone down.

Man, he really must hate it here.

Somewhere through colorful lights, spectacular acts and funny jokes, the grim reaper forgot about her mission for a while, simply enjoying things that were given to her, acting as if she never knew the dull, office life and was to die tomorrow. Truth be told, it was still three weeks or so before the souls needed to be collected, and did she enjoy her ride on the trapeze at the end of the exhibition.

She couldn’t recognize her own self.

Laughing, cheering and simply _having fun_. It was probably for the better though, since it was rare for a reaper to be this involved into their mission, or at least so she heard. When it all ended though, all the fraudulent joy escaped from her like a breath, leaving with a bitter thought that it was just a mission.

Of course.

After all, she wasn’t supposed to stay here forever. The circus was going to fall apart like a house of cards, and their job will be to simply clean up the mess. Honestly, what sort of masochist was she to allow herself to be this happy and live in an illusion. Well, this surely wasn’t far away from what she experienced a few decades ago.

“Somethin’ bothering ya, Nemi?”

The woman snaps out momentarily, looking to the side to notice Freckles walk beside her, grinning cheerfully just as she was merely a few whiles ago.

“Ye certainly were the life of tha party, eh? Never seen ya this happy before.”

She notes, sky blue eye turning back to the path they walked down, the elder female chuckling bitterly at the words. Wind is no more, however she feels beads of sweat roll down her back from the tiring performance, making them feel like freezing needles pinching her skin, and making clothes stick to her body.

With the moon calmly shining down upon them with the rest of the stars, she shrugs ever so slightly, patting the younger girl on her shoulder.

“I am surprised by myself as well, Freckles. However, I cannot help but feel like this is all just a temporary happiness. That the gloom of everyday routine will soon come back to me, and I’ll wake up in an empty bed, go to work and drown in regular, daily bothers again, you know what I’m saying?”

“I know. To be frank with ya, I noticed Suit and ye are quite alike!”

Noemi raises an eyebrow, laughing dryly at her statement. Her and Spears? How ridiculously funny. That bastard has too much of a stick up his ass to be somehow similar to her. This is quite interesting though, so she stops halfway in her tracks as Freckles suddenly stops, grabbing her hand and running somewhere on the back of the tents, laughing.

Once they stop running, some boxes and sacks of hay for the animals are showing, and the younger girl flops on one of them, grinning widely.

“Come take a seat! Is m’ favorite spot to be cooling off in after a show.”

She smiles, and Noemi takes a seat beside her, accommodating herself on the messily stacked, wooden boxes.

“So, how are me and Suit comparable, eh?”

A small snort makes its way past her lips as she says it, carefully wiping her glasses against the corner of her outfit skirt, Freckles shoving a hay twig in her teeth. Shrugging nonchalantly, the girl lets out a grunt, turning her gaze onto the reaper.

“I dunno, ye both speak in a similar way, ye both are a bit stiff n’ old school. But well, he seems to like ye more than ye think. I mean, haven’t talked with him at all buuut… He’s always starin’ at ye like yer sumthin precious. Even when Black mentioned ye to him, he said yer a perfectly fine lass.”

Huh.

So he did cover for her to the demon. That was… unusual. The typical him would blabber everything out for the sake of making her exposed as well but, he did mention not wanting her to be in danger as well. How thoughtful.

“Oi, lemme ask ye somethin’, okay?”

The brown haired maiden looks over at her, rolling on her side to have a better view on the green-eyed woman beside her. She is curious, and since Black and Smile aren’t very talkative maybe Nemi would know something about why they are here. She did seem to have a decent contact with them after all.

“Of course, what is it?”

“Do ye know sumthin about why are Black n’ Smile here? Cuz like, Black is bloody perfect in everythin’!”

With a twitch of an eyebrow, Haruda shakes her head with a light chuckle, shrugging helplessly. Ah, maybe Freckles started having secondary thoughts too? How unusual for a human of her age, she had to admit. Kids these days were something else.

“No idea, hun. However, I do feel quite offended by that statement.”

She huffs mockingly, tickling the brunette for a short while, before standing up with a sigh. The girl laughs for a while more, before silence falls between the two, not really being the uncomfortable type of one. Noemi enjoys it for a while, before turning away.

“Well, I’ll be off to bed now. It was a very tiring evening today. Have a good night, and try not to suffocate Smile as you do.”

Freckles stops her with a tug on her hand, Noemi turning over to her with a questioning gaze. Was there something left unsaid? Apparently yes, since the youngster had that specific grin on her face, that was telling the reaper that she was not done with her little rant yet.

“One last thing, Nemi. Maybe give lil’ old Suit a chance? Ye would be a great couple if ye did!”

The bluenette is silent for a long while, before giving a motherly pet on the girl’s head, her gaze seeming to be a tad absent. It was obvious Freckles knew nothing about them indeed knowing one another well, however her words somewhat stabbed her gut this time. Unknowingly, but still did, blowing her cool, calm exterior away for a split second.

“I don’t think Suit would be too happy with knowing he has a matchmaker on his tail, don’t you think? Besides, I think if he was smart enough, he would make the first move himself.”

With that, she whispers a quiet ‘goodnight’, and walks towards her tent, taking her pajama. It is a plain, pale blue nightgown to her calves, topped with black slippers to walk around in. Freckles’ words made her a bit skeptical. What could a human her age know about adult matters, let alone reaper relationships?

Of course, she was just a child and probably did not mean it in the wrong way, but it was still perplexing for the blue reaper.

On one side he is cold and unwelcoming, yet if worked on for long enough he is a different person. He isn’t evil and blunt to the core, that she knows perfectly, but somehow he cranks himself back into position zero too quickly for her to cherish the real him. It’s confusing, and sort of annoying but, she really is no better than him.

Shying away from a possibility to just be happy, even though she craves to experience just a little bit of joy. Like a plant that detests sun, but needs it to survive. Ridiculous, as one may think, but also quite suitable to describe her feelings.

Allowing cold streaks of water to run down her body, Haruda swiftly showers before she is noticed, drying off and dressing in the nightgown just as a few giggly, and quite tipsy clowns walk past the baths, chatting and laughing loudly.

Humans.

Ever so amusing and silly, playing like in an exquisite kind of comedy she was taking part in, and no one else than her watched. How selfish, but also very real to what each person here could experience, if only they changed their point of perceiving things. It couldn’t be expected from regular, grey humans though, since it was a rarity for them to portray life as something fleeting and frail.

To them, life was all they knew. Wake up, work, meet friends, go sleep. Get old, have a family and die, surrounded by a jolly bunch of grandchildren and their loved one, holding their hand on a sunny porch as they both eventually reached the end of their record. They weren’t grateful, but made it thus far for her to watch them live a life full of wonders, more and less important.

To some it was wonderful, but for her, it was bittersweet, somehow.

There also were those few human beings, who took so much happiness from little things, like another day they were allowed to live, thankfulness for not being ill or crippled, or that they have a roof over their head and what to put into the pot. They knew death was awaiting them, but they still thanked for yet another sun, praying for one more to cherish.

What was so amazing in life that she couldn’t see?

Those people were often lonely, poor and on the verge of life and death, and still kneeled and prayed like it was their biggest duty, like it would allow them to suddenly transform into something of bigger meaning than just a nasty, street beggar. She used to collect their souls with a mocking grin, wondering what were their prayers worth now.

A handful of nothing, since they lived their life hoping and pleading, instead of just dealing with their problems, getting on with their lives and just living them.

Maybe it was just resentment towards them, because they got a chance and did nothing, whilst she would do so much, instead of violently bleeding out on the floor of a dirty little condo, hoping to never have to take a breath again.

Life had no value to her.

But this. This _state of existence_ , was so much different than the times when she still had a beating heart inside her. As it seemed, no amount of joy was able to make her truly happy, no amount of booze was able to numb the internal pain, that was still sizzling somewhere inside her very soul. Yet, after meeting him it somewhat… began to hurt less.

Yes, this may sound very cliché and fairytale like, but for some weird reason this stoic, always complaining asshat made her smile with his snarky comments on his coworkers, complaining about overtime and sitting long hours in the library with her, trying to explain British literature until they were both bored and decided to just go home, since further pushing themselves had no effect.

This _life_ was so different and weird to her that she quickly got attached to him, without even noticing it at first. Soon, the awkward peeking on one another became holding hands on the way to dispatch from the parking lot in the early morning, complaining about cold, winter evenings and stacks of overdue paperwork from Christmas. Even though none of them minded this weird state they were in, over flying years of shying away and excusing the confession with professional status, they finally got together.

And that, was the biggest mistake they could’ve done.

With all those years that have passed, with memories and whatnot suddenly becoming dust, she once again lost the joy in the afterlife, returning in the grey, everyday routine she set herself in, to shield from further damage. She knew this was not the way things were meant to be, and both of them were equally guilty but… It was almost like she lived in a bubble, unable to move on, because the strings tied her tighter than she wanted them to.

He seemed to feel just as uncomfortable, judging from the tension radiating from him like a stench. He probably experienced it too. He must have.

Waking up next to him for over ten years allowed her to gain knowledge about him that no one else had, even his old classmate, whom she knew just as well, but because she was rather… _explosive_.

Placing her folded circus outfit back into the trunk, the bluenette sat herself onto the bedside for a while, looking at the moon. Everything has mostly calmed down by now, the troupe already being in their beds, or just silently roaming around, not wishing to disturb the rest. Noemi decided to read a bit before bed, just propping herself against the bed railing and flipping open the old, wrinkly poetry book, eyes lazily trailing along the lines of the text.

Hearing silent footsteps and the stench of a demon, she silently blew out the candle, getting closer to the entrance of the tent, seeing Black and his master soundlessly leave towards the first-liner area. Did Spears allow the demon to lurk around? It was extremely dangerous, he could kill and eat their souls without even being ordered to!

Well, but if he were to do that he would do it already, would he not?

That was quite self-explanatory.

Hm, since the demon left for now, and probably wasn’t coming back until dawn, she may as well check on pigeon, and find out why did he neglect Black sneaking out right under his nose. With her slippers quietly cracking on the sandy paths, she made her way towards the ninth tent. The lights were out, just as she expected, with the brunet lying flat on his back, fast asleep.

_Honestly._

It almost made her smirk in a sickly endearing way.

The man slept like a log, figuratively and literally; not moving a single muscle until his sleep was disturbed. Snored sometimes, or frowned when nightmares occurred, but other than that it was pretty unclear whether he was dead or just resting. Shaking her head, the bluenette made a few steps closer, soundlessly seating herself on the free spot near his side.

Pathetic, wasn’t it?

If it were a different setting, she would just be spending another evening with him, asking to read another tale from Carroll’s booklet before they went to sleep, or just plopped down to peck his forehead, before she would be pulled down on his chest and just held there for a longer while, as he would grumble gibberish to deliver a grumpy love declaration, or something of similar meaning.

_Pathetic indeed._

Pathetic, because a part of her wanted that life back.

It’s almost been twenty years since they were no more, yet she still wanted to take all the bad things that happened and burn them to ashes. To just forget about everything and start anew. But her pride didn’t allow that. She wasn’t going to plead him for forgiveness like some dog, or show him her weakness.

She could do better than that.

“Are you laying down or not?”

“Pardon?”

The sudden question baffled her like a whack in the head. When did he even…

“I said.”

Spears sat up on his spot, fluorescent eyes nearly scanning the confused woman through the blurriness he experienced. He could tell it was her. Not only she knew her partner better than anyone else.

Always spacy when remembering something, at work being cold and ruthless, spitting over insufferable prats in administration, when Bennett could not take control over them. Always professional, even if mixing in her mother tongue when she was unable to find the right words to express her opinion.

Truly someone who could be… a respected mentor.

Yet this all happened, and left both her and him in shambles, as if after a terrible war. Somewhere throughout names being thrown at one another, tussles and almost childlike anger fits, the ‘we’ they had worked on for so many years popped like a bubble, leaving bitterness and disgust behind. No matter how much he tried to tell himself it was the right thing to do, seeing her avoid him like the plague was sort of… harsh.

To be fair, it was what they both led to, allowing their worries and bottled up rage blurt out like a volcano, and burnt one another with it. Shame was something he struggled to deal with for quite some time, though with time passing it just closed up, leaving him scarred towards the blue haired female. It was selfish to think of only his person getting hurt, but it was her fault.

Tch, what kind of people were they to behave this way.

Stupid ones, apparently.

“I asked if you were to lay down or not. It was a tiring day, and reapers need to sleep, if you perhaps forgot.”

Noemi stares at him for a while, like a deer caught in headlights, before shaking her head with a dry snort. Was she sleepwalking or did Spears just ask her to lay down beside him?

“Pinch me, I don’t think I woke up yet.”

The male scoffs, picking up the edge of the blanket and folding it aside for her to lay down. Honestly, he had no idea why this was a reaction he got when instantly seeing her, but her hesitation seemed to be more unnerving than the proposition he gave the bluenette.

“You are impossible, Noemi. Truly impossible.”

“That’s why you love me.”

She smirks viciously, catching him avert his gaze for a while. Ha, so he still couldn’t bury the hatchet after all these years. So expectable of little old him.

“You either get in or out. Make the choice before I do.”

With a growl to his words, the brunet watches her carefully flick the slippers off and climb on the bed beside him. It creaks silently due to movement, as she settles down comfortably. The chilliness of the evening is no more for the bluenette, legs and torso curled up beside Spears like during the ‘good old times’. Her warm breath slightly heats up his side as he continues to lay stiff, sighing.

“Are you happy now?”

“You ask as if it is some sort of torture. I don’t remember being a demon when I got here. You can stand his presence, but mine not? Interesting.”

The ravenet grunts unhappily, shifting in a position where he would face her, a sigh escaping his lips as they both finally get comfortable, glasses set aside on the box. It’s weird, a part of him cannot help but feel some sort of… internal peace when she is around. He hates it, because it doesn’t allow him to think clearly, yet her fellow calmness soothes the raggedy nerves.

It is not like he cannot deal with the fact of Haruda being close, he cannot deal with the fact that after all that, she acts like nothing happened. Forgetting about the fact that Michaelis can return in any while, and that they were not supposed to encounter one another here, she still probably waits. That sly fox…

“You still expect that apology, don’t you?”

“What makes you think I will be the one apologizing to you after what happened?”

“I don’t even want it, trust me.”

The bluenette looks up at him, as if not believing what he just said. Wasn’t it that what he always demanded from her, what she couldn’t give him due to an immense ego? But well, what was an apology good for when it didn’t fix anything, on that she had to agree with the taller brunet. Putting this back in one piece would take tons of genuine effort, from both sides. She wondered if he was able to do that.

“To be honest, I believe an atonement would do as much as nothing, so…I don’t want it either, I suppose.”

“Then, what do you want?”

“Just what is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, what would fix this? This may not be the epitome of a healthy relation, and I am really not good at explaining it but, everything can be somehow fixed, right?”

“Since when are you so eager to fix things?”

“Since I overheard your conversation with that girl.”

She tenses up instantly, looking away from him. It was no secret that she was talking with Freckles earlier, nonetheless it was none of his concern to pry further into it. On the other hand, basically calling him an idiot was quite irresponsible of her to do. Ha, it was worth it though, there wasn’t anyone else than Grell who would listen to her rant about his foolish behavior, and she was the one to suspend her for now.

Ugh, what got into her head for another murder spree for no darn reason.

“And what of it? You’re not obliged to do it just because a human wanted to match make us together.”

“Maybe you are right, although I couldn’t help but notice your reaction to her words. You may perceive me as a hard headed individual, but I do see behavioral change when an occasion strikes. You were silent.”

“…I was.”

“And why is that?”

“Because what was I supposed to say? It was your clear statement for our ways to part. It hurt as shit but I respected your decision. You avoided me, I avoided you. As simple as it can be. Frankly, it was none of my intent to put myself in your way once more, because I knew it would resolve in conflict again.”

She sighs, as an unpleasant feeling of distaste makes her gut churn. Revealing the truth to a human about their true identity would be a shot in the foot, there was no other way to casually avoid the topic than saying this. As his hand slips around her middle, the female looks up into his eyes, heart nearly ceasing to thump in her chest when she is pressed against William’s torso.

What the hell is he doing?

Was that some sort of cruel joke? Because if it was, it was very unfunny.

Hearing his steady heartbeat makes her stop shifting, for once completely shutting her up. The warmth he shares with her is almost unreal, see-through as one would call it. A part of her struggles in believing that he did finally give up the whole ‘offended’ game. Noemi would never let anyone this close to her, but he was different.

Maybe it was the fact that he was completely blunt and uninterested in other people, or maybe that his perceiving of the phrase ‘be close to someone’ was very much different than most units’. Who knows, she didn’t for sure.

“Are you staying?”

The silence is broken by his whisper, making her jerk a bit in the darkness of the tent room, but deny with a corresponding grunt, body shuffling to be closer to him. There was no point in struggling, or denying what was once set in stone.

It was love. _In its ugliest, most bitter and rigid form._

Suddenly, laughter slips out of her mouth, shaking their intertwined forms like a shiver. Spears turns his gaze over to her, raising an eyebrow in curiosity, though not saying anything yet, allowing that short, blissful moment of her rootless joy last. What made her so amused all of a sudden, he thinks, as his hand wraps a tad tighter around the bluenette.

“Does the thought of our existence ever cross your mind?”

“It does. We exist to experience forgiveness for our sin, from the moment we awaken to the moment when we understand why life shouldn’t be ended but lived on, despite everything. A foolish logic, if you ask me. I hated life, and I got this is exchange.”

“And…is _this_ any better?”

“Depends on how I look at it. Most days are gruesome and tiring, especially when tasks pile up and I am unable to find myself in the papers. And some days are just silent. I go back home, spend time on my own and just go on with this. There is nothing else I can do. Perceiving is a part of understanding, but what is to perceive when every day is the same?”

“Every single one? Since always?”

“Well, yes. If I were to put it that way.”

“I understand.”

Silence falls between them once more, as the bluenette presses her forehead against Spears’s pec, breath drawing in and not coming out for a long while. Of course, what else did she expect to receive than that? Clutching his pajama shirt in her fingers, a part of her being begins to collapse once more, gut sinking and eyes watering after a longer while the silence continued.

Right now it was a blessing that all reapers were extremely near-sighted. Shoving away the feeling of her calmness falling apart, Noemi simply moves closer to him, as if it were one last embrace of theirs, before everything would end. Feeling his fingers trail patterns on her back, the bluenette smiles weakly, her own hands reaching to wrap around his face.

It is mildly warm, and begins to get stubbly around the jaw and cheeks, after a whole of a day and half without seeing a razor. It brings a faint simper on her lips, thumbs soothing over it as he pauses for a brief while. Apart from seeing two blurry blobs of green for his eyes, and something similar to the outline of his head, Haruda can tell he is puzzled.

Many feelings and thoughts rush through her head, as they both look on one another, and for a brief second, she can feel dampness against her palm, before it soaks into the skin.

He remembers.

Of course he does.

With their lips meeting for a small while, a dreamy exhale leaves both, as if it were some sort of a long-deserved award, or water on the desert. His warm breath tingles over her slightly parted ones, still having a touch of toothpaste to it, which makes Noemi smile subconsciously. It doesn’t take long before things get more passionate, Spears allowing himself to hover over her, hair messed up and eyes squinting to catch a good view without his spectacles.

Still holding his face in her hands, the blue reaper watches him slowly succumb into her own personal hell, seeing that… this is what may allow this _thing_ that is between them blossom again. Rush, is what made it wilt and die. They rushed in too soon, with too little experience and with bad memories from their human pasts, hoping that this may be salvation.

It was, but when jumping on deep water, don’t forget to take a deep breath.

* * *

“Do you remember me saying that every day was the same for me?”

William asks after things finally cool down, fingers threading through his partner’s Prussian blue locks, which are currently a tad messy. Noemi looks up at him questioningly, hand ceasing to pet his chest for a small while.

“I do, what about it?”

“I may have to rethink that statement.”

With a snicker, the woman sighs and shakes her head dismissively, a faint yawn escaping her as she does. It truly has been a long day, and after all those happenings a nice, long nap would be a blessing.

He listens to her breaths being let out in slower intervals, before she finally falls asleep; calm and with a meek smile on her face. With his bigger hand gently smoothing out the unruly, soft curls, he looks over at his mate, covering her up more carefully with the brown, thick blanket, making sure she was warm.

“I may have to rethink this, because days at work can never match with those precious afternoons I have spent with you, and long, sleepless nights where I mourned over our split. There never was anyone whom I had cherished more than I have you.”

_“Never forget that.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there, random reader!  
> Please leave a comment on what would you want to see next, and feel free to leave some feedback!  
> Peace <3


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